Keeping Your Cool When Your Child Loses Theirs

How Not to Lose Your Mind When Your Kids are Losing Theirs

It’s so hard to not feel like a failure when your child is gyrating on the floor and screaming, especially when they save these moments for you. They do not do it at school, nor with others, just you, all too often triggering gut wrenching self-doubt. “Why me? What am I doing wrong?”

Perhaps however, rather than doing something wrong, you have done something very right. Your child recognizes that with you, they are truly safe to express their biggest and most vulnerable emotions. Viewing these heartbreaking moments not as a sign of your failure, but rather of your child’s trust, allows you to take that very deep breath and like my friend and colleague Lynn does, step back, and tell yourself. “How good it must feel for my child to get all those big feelings out so they can start over. And isn’t it wonderful our relationship is so strong; they know they are safe to do it with me.”

This is the beginning of the process for change, not the ending. It is the perspective that allows you to remain calm and stay connected even during these most trying moments of parenthood. As a result, later when everyone is calm, your child will be open to your guidance. And one day, they will be able to come to you with words rather than shouts to share their biggest and most vulnerable feelings, because with you, more than anyone else, they are emotionally safe. 

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